Is Romantic Love Fake News?
or am I just doing this wrong?
I continue to be in my hoe phase—kind of. August taught me that friendship is magic; October taught me that romance is anything but. Many of my friends (from different friend groups, even!) have recently broken up with their partners despite it being cuffing season. My own forays into dating have me thinking that marrying for love—that overwhelming, sparkly, consuming, jumpy, heady feeling—is overrated. Maybe companionship is more about matching values and long-term compatibility and finding someone you know you can depend on. Maybe sparks only lead to fires that inevitably burn out, but warm and unassuming coals will keep you comfortable through the winters of your life. Maybe the notion that the right partner is supposed to be your “built-in everything” is false because you can’t expect them to be your best friend and your sex dream and your therapist and your playmate and your muse and the domestic, homemaking, child-minding machine of your dreams.
All this is to say that I’ve been dating lately with a spreadsheet mindset and a cynic’s heart. I don’t know if I’d call this fun, but if I’m being honest, I don’t know many people who’d say dating is fun. Mostly, it feels like we’re racing against the ticking clock of our fading beauty and energy as our friends get married all around us. Every day I have questions: am I being loved as a person or as a concept? Is my affection real or performative?? Am I making a huge mistake???
In the interest of not becoming some feral, love-obsessed creature who is simultaneously frothing at the mouth in cynicism and cowering at the idea of being alone and unsatisfied forever, I’ve been trying to look at romance through a different lens. Here are some gems I found:
When it comes to romance, I’d like to think that none of us are doomed. Nothing is perfect but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worthwhile. We are all fumbling along, starstruck but night-blind, hands out in front of us, hoping to find warmth by touch alone. I hope we succeed. Maybe some of us are closer than we know.
love,
anna